Authenticity, true self versus false self.

What is authenticity? Have you ever thought about what it means to be truly authentic? Many times we get caught up in being validated externally by others, and because of this, we create a “false” version of ourselves. This false sense of “self” (also called a fake self, ideal self, perfect self, superficial self, or pseudo self), is constantly validated and reinforced positively by others, which then reinforces its troublesome existence. Your false self could be a projected outer version that shows only perfection, flawlessness, success, beauty, and obsession with wealth, success, status, career, flashy, shiny, or material objects. The false self according to psychologist D.W. Winnicott is just a defensive façade. It defends against our true feelings, and protects us from people knowing who we truly are. Unfortunately, our true self is then lost, and we are afraid to show our authenticity to anyone. We get lost and have no compass. We float around constantly trying to please and gain others’ validation. We may actually feel anxious, lost, vulnerable, sad, afraid, alone, isolated, or empty. We may have differing viewpoints, or want to leave someone who hurts us, but cannot do it. We may have a hollow, inner core. This is often why we seek validation from external sources outside of ourselves, because we have nothing within to hold on to.

An example of development of a false self would be of an individual who may feel overweight. Then perhaps, the individual is bullied by his or her peers for being overweight. The individual then conforms to society’s standards, and rather than being valued for who he or she is, this particular individual feels he or she has to fit in, and must be defined by what he or she does. This individual then proceeds to lose weight, tans, shaves, etc.… but is left still feeling empty as ever. The individual has succeeded in creating a false self. Society then validates this false self, and gives the individual praise and positive regard for losing the weight. The cycle continues, and the individual continually feels emptier and emptier.

The cycle only stops when the individual discovers that AUTHENTICITY comes from within, and from one’s own, INTERNAL VALIDATION. One must connect with one’s true self to feel fulfilled, and to find true happiness. If one is always outwardly projecting a false self to feel validated, one will always find happiness from external validation, and will never find authentic happiness from within. There is strength to finding one’s own happiness from within. No one can take this from you. There is strength to finding one’s true self, and there is permeability to it. Living projecting a false self will leave you feeling dead, disconnected, and empty inside. So try getting in touch with your true self, first by reflection on your own, and then with others. If you are anxious, be anxious. If you are quirky, embrace it. If you like medieval festivals, go to them. If you want to become a writer, write. When you connect with your true sense of self, you will feel fulfilled, and truly alive. Do not try to kill off any part of yourself – embrace all parts of you, and you will be TRULY ALIVE AND AUTHENTIC.   You will no longer feel the need to please others. You will no longer feel the need to engage in any type of unhealthy splitting, addictive, or numbing behaviors. You will be able to say, THIS IS WHO I AM, with no external validation, and the validation can come solely from you.